Motherhood: A Challenge and A Joy

PATIENCE

Give me patience when little hands,

Tug at me with small demands,

Give me gentle words and smiling eyes

And keep my lips from sharp replies,

So in years to come when my house is still

Beautiful memories it's rooms may fill.

We had our Stake Conference on August 15-16. It was a wonderful conference! It focused a lot on families and marriage. I left the conference feeling so inspired and motivated to be a better wife and mother.

Motherhood is definitely the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life. Yes, it's even more challenging that running a marathon. Ironically though, sometimes motherhood does feel like I'm running an endless marathon. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I had so many expectations. I thought my kids would be so cute and I would be the most fun, understanding, compassionate, and amazing mother. I was always such a fun babysitter. I would take the kids to the park and always had plenty of energy to play along with them. I thought I'd be the same when I became a mother. Well, I have to admit I have fallen short of my expectations.

I have been a mother now for almost fourteen years. In the past fourteen years I have learned that motherhood is hard. It can be painful, messy, stinky, exhausting, and mundane. As a mother, I often feel guilty and inadequate. I find myself thinking I wish I was more fun, creative, sensitive, nurturing, or patient. I wonder if I am devoting my time and energy to the right things. Should I clean less and play more? Should I be more tolerant or more strict? Are my kids doing too many extra activities? Am I teaching them enough about the gospel? I honestly feel so conflicted at times. I do look forward to the day when I can clean my house and it stays clean. Or when little hands aren't getting into my personal things like my makeup, my jewelry, my gum, etc. Maybe some day we won't have a million stains on our carpet, sticky jam on the furniture, or sharpie marker all over the walls. Then I feel guilty for these thoughts. I know my kids will be grown up all too soon. I must enjoy them while they are little.

As I reflect on motherhood, I have a few different thoughts. First, I think, like most things in life, motherhood requires balance. I need to balance my time between play and work. I need to pick my battles. I need to correct inappropriate behavior, while demonstrating unconditional love. Second, I need to rely on the Lord. Heavenly Father has given me stewardship over these five precious spirits. He wants me to be successful in teaching them the gospel and raising them to be happy and loving people. I need to listen daily to the Holy Ghost for inspiration on how to spend my time and energy. Finally, I need to try not to be discouraged. I reminded my friend about a quote I heard on motherhood by Jill Churchill: “There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.” As a mother, I may have different strengths and weaknesses then my friends do. I just have to remember that I can only do the best I can do with the children I have.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have been blessed with to be a mother. I'm trying to enjoy each moment I have with my precious children. I try to find joy in the little things - Conner yelling "Mommy" and hugging me when I walk in through the door, Cameron saying, "I love you, Mommy," Kylie writing me sweet notes, Katelyn retelling me every detail of her day, and Courtney explaining how much she loves her family when she bears her testimony at church. I recall a church commercial from the 70's that showed a mom teaching her daughter how to ride a bike. Then the announcer said, "Hey Mom, you're probably doing better than you think" Well this is probably true with me. I am probably doing better than I think as a mother. Yes, there are lots of things I could improve on, but I also need to focus on what I am doing well on. I included pictures of my two little boys with this post. These boys ages 2 and 4 are a daily challenge for me. They are always into something! I came into their room to check on them before bed and they had put Conner's toddler bed right next to Cameron's bed. I was actually relieved this is all they had done. Sometimes they take the entire mattress off of their beds. There really is never a dull moment with these two around. And they really love each other. There are many mornings that I find them in the same bed. As I said earlier, I am trying to soak up every moment I have with these precious children. Motherhood is the toughest job I'll ever love. It is my biggest challenge and my greatest joy.